NCAA's from a differnt view

"Running to him was real, the way he did it the realest thing he knew. It was all joy and woe, hard as diamond; it made him weary beyond comprehension. But it also made him free."
~John L. Parker, Once a Runner

I have watched, and not run in, the NCAA Cross Country Championship before, fall of 2003 when I red-shirted to be exact. But this was the first time I had watched from outside the white lines since completing my eligibility and it was almost surreal. Ever since I started running competitively, I've had this reoccurring nightmare that I am at a race yet someone convinces me I have plenty of time before the start and I always end up missing the start. That is what I felt like today, as if I was supposed to be racing when the gun went off, yet I was standing there in my corduroy khakis and night-life Brooks officials jacket manning gate number 35. My heart pounded and I felt the adrenaline surge during the eerie silence right before Lee Aldridge shot his starter's gun, just as it had the past four NCAA Championships at Terre Haute.

Besides the ghosts of races past constantly filtering through my thoughts, the races were great to watch. The pure guts battle between Rupp of Oregon and McDougal of Liberty, with McDougal squeaking out the victory with one final surge, made me get booty-lock just by watching. On the women's side, Kipyego handily beat a good field, yet I couldn't help thinking that I would've been top 5 in that race. I also found myself wondering what it would have been like to be on an NCAA Championship team. Katie Harrington is from Indiana, just like me, and she has multiple championship rings. Alas, there is no way to change the past and there are too many good things that have happened to me, and good lessons learned, at Indiana to ever wish I would have gone somewhere else. So the trick for me is to not wallow in the shortcomings of the past and instead live in the moment.

This evening I encountered the opposite mental dilemma while finishing my run in the dark. Instead of watching my steps like I should have been to avoid possibly breaking an ankle, I was blissfully planning the vagaries of my distant future. No one will argue that planning is a bad idea; however, I think I too often get caught up on what will be and don't spend enough time enjoying what is. Today was a good reminder to not vacillate between the past and future as much as make the most of the present. Many people say that, and many people have said it to me, but it really does take forceful thought to not wallow in the "woulda shoulda coulda" and "gonna" that can be an easy escape from today's realities.